A father refuses to allow his son's black girlfriend into their house because his 70-year-old mother is a “classic racist” who doesn’t want to be near the girlfriend as it would “disturb her”. The story sparked a storm of harsh criticism online from people who didn't hold back in their comments.
Dating A Beautiful Young Lady
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Sharing his story on Reddit, the 39-year-old OP reveals that his 17-year-old son has just started dating.
"His girlfriend is black and a very nice, kind, and beautiful young lady,” he describes.
A Joy To Be Around
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The father had met the girlfriend, who he says is “a joy to be around,” and invited her for dinner and family events multiple times.
Caring for Grandmother
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Due to the OP’s mother recovering from surgery and her age of almost 70, she has been staying with them and requiring assistance with daily tasks. However, it seems that she isn’t entirely comfortable with the fact that her grandson is dating a black girl.
“Classic Racist”
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“Long story short, my mother is a classic racist and being a raging narcissist and she is not one to hold back from her opinions,” he shares.
Grandmother Disapproves of Grandson's Girlfriend
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He showed his mother a picture of his son and his girlfriend, which led to a “two-hour-long rant about bloodlines,” and she repeatedly said that they "don't look right."
Disturbing To Be Around
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When the father mentioned that the girlfriend was coming over for dinner, his mother expressed discomfort with the idea of being near to her, stating that it would "disturb her," so he made the last-minute decision to tell his son’s girlfriend she couldn’t come over.
Avoiding Drama
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Although the son has been trying to bring his girlfriend over every day, his father had to say no several times because his grandmother is staying with them and she made it clear that she doesn’t want to be near the girlfriend.
“I just don’t want any problems,” the father explains.
Son Accusations
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Because his father has constantly refused to allow his son's girlfriend to visit, the son accused him of being a "complacent racist" for allowing his grandmother to affect their relationship.
Protecting A “Racist”
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The son believed that his father wasn’t standing up to her beliefs, and didn’t allow his girlfriend to come over just to “protect a racist.”
“I Literally Do Not Know What To Do”
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The son thinks that his father should have immediately told his grandmother to leave when she started making those remarks.
On the other hand, his father sympathizes with her and understands that she is an elderly woman who is still recovering from surgery.
Responsibility Calls
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Although the father admits to disagreeing with his mother's views and beliefs, he still cannot simply neglect his responsibility to care for her, particularly given her post-surgery condition.
“I’m Not Racist”
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The OP’s wife sides with their son, but given the strained relationship between her and his mother, it's not surprising that he feels that way, according to him.
“I know I am not a damned racist,” he acknowledges. “But now everyone is saying I am aiding one by taking my mother's side.”
“Your Mother Is Racist”
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“Your wife doesn’t agree with your son because she doesn’t get along well with your mother…. She agreed with him because he was right,” one Reddit user argued.
“That’s what you said your son's girlfriend is she is nice and kind, yet you are 100% allowing your mother [to] say whatever she wants and saying your son's girlfriend isn’t allowed over because of this. This girl has done nothing and will now remember this for a long long time.”
“She's A Proud Bigot”
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A commenter who voted "YTA" shared a version of the OP's statement about his mother: "My mother is so elderly and feeble that she will go on two-hour rants about how much she's a proud bigot."
They continued, “Man, I never even went on a two-hour squealing when I got Pokemon for the first time. your son is right, you'd rather defend your bigot mother rather than go, ‘Hey, shut up and get over it.’"
“Your Mother Can Eat In Her Room”
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Someone else argued that since the mother is in his son’s house, she shouldn't have the right to decide who can and cannot come over because "they will disturb her," suggesting that she can simply “stay and eat in her room,” if she’s uncomfortable being near to the girlfriend.
“You are just as guilty as your mother,” they stated, “You are a complacent racist and enabling your mother's bigot behavior.”
“Don't Let Her Think She's Winning”
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“I get what you were going for, but if granny is incapable of living in the present, don't let her think she's winning,” one commenter advised.
“Invite his girlfriend. She's very special to your son, and thus, very special to your family. Don't invite granny. YTA. You and granny, both.”
Is It Really Good Idea To Invite a Girlfriend?
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Offering a different perspective, an “NTA” voter wrote, “I’m a POC and I’m sympathetic to your situation. I know this is Reddit so you’ll likely be told you’re an a..hole for not casting your racist narc mother onto the street but it’s your mom and she just had surgery. Presumably, she has nowhere else to go. She’s in a vulnerable state and it would be wrong to throw her out at this time.”
“At your core, I can see that you’re trying to balance caring for your mom with protecting your son’s girlfriend from your mother’s views — does your son really think it’s a good idea for his girlfriend to visit and risk being on the receiving end of racist abuse? Because I don’t.”
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