A mother found herself in a tough spot when she had to confront heroin addiction during her pregnancy and eventually failed the drug test, leading to her daughter being taken away immediately after birth. Despite making efforts to get clean and turn her life around, her 12-year-old daughter no longer wants to see her, a situation that her brother blamed her for.
Pregnant Mom’s Recovery From Heroin Addiction
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In a recent Reddit post, the OP, 30, shares that his 32-year-old sister is in the process of recovering from heroin addiction.
He also mentions that his sister, who has a 12-year-old daughter, had been struggling with addiction for a few years when she became pregnant, and that she severed ties with most of the family after they refused to give her money.
A Heartbreaking Separation
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The mother, who was on probation at the time, failed a drug test while pregnant and had her daughter taken away at birth.
“Literally at birth, she never even got to see her,” her brother asserts.
Giving Credit Where Credit's Due
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According to the brother, his sister had made significant progress in cleaning up her act at that time, and he gives her credit for it.
Breaking Free
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It seems that the sister didn’t enjoy the life of being a drug addict and decided to change.
She took significant steps in her life, going to rehab, getting a job, and has been sober for 12 years. She now lives independently.
Two Families, One Daughter
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The OP reveals that his niece was placed with a kind foster family who eventually adopted her, while his sister was granted supervised visitation when the child was four years old.
Daughter's Perception of Family
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Unfortunately, the relationship between the mother and daughter did not flourish as they did not have the closest bond.
It comes as no surprise that the daughter did not form an attachment to her mother, and instead saw her foster family as her true family.
Biological Mother Is Now a “Stranger”
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Although they still get to see each other for a few hours every weekend, the daughter has grown increasingly annoyed at spending 90 minutes every Saturday chatting with what she considers a "stranger."
Reconciliation is Not Possible
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After years of struggling to connect, the daughter ultimately decided that it was best to end all contact with her own mother due to their strained relationship.
“She'd now prefer not to see my sister again, and she agreed to that,” the mom’s brother shares.
A Painful Loss
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The daughter's decision to cut ties with her mother has caused emotional damage to the latter, who did not expect or want it to happen after all these years.
Having Daughter Taken Away Again
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The mother now feels like all of the progress she made was for nothing, and losing contact with her daughter is like having her taken away all over again.
Family Tensions
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The mom may feel let down by how her relationship with her daughter has turned out, but her brother has shown little sympathy towards her, choosing instead to place all the blame on her for what happened.
“She Should've Stayed Clean”
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In an attempt to make his sister own up to her past, he pointed out that it was her fault for using drugs while pregnant, and that the daughter's lack of attachment to her was a consequence of her past behavior.
“She should've stayed clean, and this is the consequence of that mistake,” he states in the Reddit post.
“Unsympathetic” Brother
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The sister was clearly unhappy with her brother's blaming and accused him of being “unsympathetic,” as she felt that he didn't understand the difficult circumstances she was in and what she had gone through.
Hurling Insults
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Her anger even led her to hurl some insults at her brother, telling him that he had no idea what it was like to give birth and never meet your baby.
Poorly Timed Blame
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While their mother agreed with everything the brother told his sister, she still felt that it wasn’t the right moment to say it.
Seeking Answers
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Burdened with guilt, the OP turned to the Reddit community to seek validation and guidance on whether it was fair to place blame on his sister for her daughter's rejection.
The community had a mixed reaction to the brother's post, with some showing sympathy for the sister, some agreeing with the brother, and others offering a neutral viewpoint.
The Brother Is To In the Wrong
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While voting "YTA," one commenter acknowledged that the daughter's lack of familiarity with the mother, coupled with supervised visits that have proved inadequate in fostering a bond, and the daughter's “tough age” of 12 have created a complicated situation.
On the other hand, they pointed out that the mother has been sober for an impressive 12 years, which they described as ”a hell of an accomplishment,” suggesting that her brother shouldn’t blame her now as she “can't change nor help that past.”
The Brother Did Nothing Wrong
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“As a recovering addict, I'm going with NTA,” one user wrote.
“I'm very lucky I turned myself around in time. Had I not gotten my sh.t together, I too would have been childless. My Son is currently sleeping in his bedroom and it's just me and him. And my two older kids love me again as I have put in the hard work.”
No One Should Be Blamed
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Another Redditor, who voted "NAH," put forth a different argument, stating that facts remain facts and that what the brother said is true regardless of how harsh it may seem.
Nonetheless, they agreed with the mother's stance that the sister “doesn't need to have more piled on when she sounds already broken.”
Everyone Is To Blame Except for the Young Daughter
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Another commenter presented a contrasting view by casting their vote as "ESH except [for] the child."
They wrote: “Your sister sucks for putting herself in the position. You suck for not keeping your opinion to yourself. Finally, the courts suck for severing her parental rights and then still granting visitation and putting both her and her daughter through eight years of torture.”
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