A man has turned to the r/relationship-advice subreddit for help after his girlfriend thought a ring he was hiding for his friend was for her.
How he met his girlfriend
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The post starts off with the OP explaining that he has been dating his girlfriend, Laura, for just over two years. They met when he was finishing up his Master's in Uni and she was in her last year of undergrad at the same school.
"Healthiest relationship"
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He explains that they have a pretty strong relationship overall and that they get along very well, including having some of the same views and goals in life.
“I love her a great deal,” he wrote, “She's definitely been the healthiest relationship I've ever had and I see a strong future with her.”
However, something awful happened.
OP's best friend proposing to his girlfriend
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The OP’s best friend, Rob, came to him and told him that he planned to propose to his long-term girlfriend, Grace, of seven years.
The issue he had was that they lived together, and he couldn’t hide the ring he had secretly bought for her to propose in their house because she’s a “very clean person”, and would probably eventually find it before he was ready to propose.
Man Agrees To Hide His Best Friend’s Engagement Ring In His House
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The OP offered to hide it in his house for him until he was ready. So Rob gave the ring to him and he hid it in the back of his sock drawer.
His Friend and Their Fiancee Post About The Momentous Occasion, But OP’s GF Sees And Gets Angry
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He “ kind of forgot about it” until his friend asked for it back.
He got it, and successfully proposed to Grace, to which she posted a picture of the two of them on Instagram, clearly flashing the ring in the sweet photo.
That’s when things took a turn.
Girlfriend got furious
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“Literally five minutes after she posted, Laura rang me absolutely fuming.”
She apparently told the OP that she found the ring in his sock drawer three weeks before the time of the posting, and asked him why he had given the ring to Rob and Grace when the OP had “clearly chosen it for her”.
OP trying to calm her
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She continued to grill him about it, and he tried to talk her down and explain the situation to her as best as he could, but she was having none of it.
OP explained about the ring
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The OP admits that he told her that he never intended to propose to her with the ring, since it was for Rob, but all this did was make her more upset.
GF Tells Him To Marry Her Or She Leaves Him
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“She starting screaming at me that I'd absolutely built up her hopes and just destroyed them,” he wrote, “She hung up on me, then texted me that I had three months to propose to her with "a better ring than Grace's" or she's going to break up with me.”
No Longer the "Perfect" girlfriend
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The OP was completely shellshocked by this and wondered if his previously “perfect” girlfriend had just given him a major red flag.
OP never intended to propose
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He explains that he understands she was probably very excited, just for him to tell her he never intended to propose in the first place, which must have hurt her feelings.
He's Not Ready For Marriage, Wondering If This Is A Red Flag
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However, he adds that he simply isn’t ready to get married as he feels it is too early in their relationship to tell whether or not it’s a good idea to be committed to each other for life, which makes his girlfriend’s ultimatum that much more concerning.
"Don't ever get married if you're not ready!"
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He decided to turn to other Redditors for advice on what he should do and Many Redditors had a lot to say.
One wrote, “rule #1 don't ever get married if you're not ready! i wont even touch on her reaction and proposal demand lol”
Talking about long-term plans
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Another person wrote a more lengthy comment on the issue, saying:
“you mention that this is the first time in the two years you’ve been together that she’s blown up like this and acted this way.
It’s two years into the relationship. You two haven’t had a talk yet about long-term plans. I have a strong feeling she’s been wanting to progress the relationship forward, and was hoping you’d pop the question soon. Yes, it’s ridiculous that she didn’t talk about this with you. There’s a lot of things many women internalize about how a proposal “should” happen, and one of the awful things (in my opinion) is that it should be a surprise and if you have to ask about it, it’s pressuring and he doesn’t really want to be with you."
Getting on the same page
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The person continued, "If this truly is the first time, and it seems like this reaction was out of character for who you’ve known her to be, then have a sit down conversation with her. It’s time you both addressed expectations for timelines (moving in, engagement, proposal, the question of kids, etc.) and where the relationship is heading. You both need to come to an agreement and get on the same page."
Why communication is important in a relationship
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"Also it’s time to talk about how you two are approaching important conversations (or not approaching them, as it seems) and communication as a whole in the relationship. She shouldn’t have stuffed it until she exploded. You also should have communicated more about your timeline since you had one set in your head for moving in, and that it was important to you. And also address that her ultimatum instead of talking to you isn’t okay", the person wrote.
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Source: Reddit
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