One fiancé faced intense online backlash when he took it upon himself to secretly email his fiancée's biological father, who had no previous knowledge of his own family's roots. Although she explained why she doesn’t want to share this information with her father, her reasons “didn’t sit well” with her fiancé.
Behind Her Back
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A 35-year-old man recently took to Reddit to share a secret: he sent an email to his 31-year-old fiancée's biological father, who was adopted and had no connections to his birth family, informing him that his family had been discovered through her 23andMe test results.
A Meaningful Gift
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His fiancée purchased 23andMe tests for her parents three years ago, as well as her fiancé’s parents.
This gesture held great meaning because, throughout her fiancé’s life, his five older brothers had incessantly tormented him by saying that they were adopted or that their biological father was not the same as the rest of the family.
Solid Proof Amid Sibling Doubts
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The brothers made those claims due to the OP's distinct appearance, as they remarked on their tall stature and red hair. Therefore, receiving solid proof that his parents were indeed their biological parents through the 23andMe tests, for him, was like healing an old emotional wound.
Surprising Links
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What took everyone by surprise was the discovery of results linking her biological father's family. Given that she is a first-generation American, she hadn’t expected to find many familial connections through the 23andMe test.
At first, there was a third-cousin connection on her paternal side, but over the past couple of years, it has evolved into a comprehensive and practical family tree.
Distant Relationship
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More than a decade ago, the daughter ceased communication with her father due to his sporadic efforts in maintaining their relationship, limited to remembering her birthday on occasion.
Desire to Conceal Information
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She also clearly expressed her desire to keep this information secret from her father and provided her reasons for withholding it. However, her explanation did not seem to resonate well with her fiancé.
Sharing DNA Test Results
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Her fiancé took it upon himself to track down her dad's email address from her contacts list and sent him the list of his known relatives and then forgot about the email.
In an unexpected turn of events, her mother accidentally stumbled upon a social media post about her dad reestablishing connections with his newly discovered relatives and told her about what she found.
Fiancé's Confession
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“She was very emotional as she told me about the phone call with her mom but said she was happy for him,” his fiancé recounts. “She made a comment about how ‘we didn't have anything to do with it,’ so I confessed to what I had done.”
Furious Fiancée
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Unsurprisingly, his fiancé who wanted everything to remain secret from her father was “furious” following this confession, leading to a major conflict with her fiancé.
Seeking outside opinions, he turned to the Reddit community with the question, "AITA for sending her dad, who is adopted, her test results that identified his biological family?”
Backlash Unleashed
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The OP faced significant backlash from the online community for his decision to email his fiancée's father about her DNA results without her consent. It was widely agreed upon that he had “a serious issue with boundaries,” earning him a solid "YTA" judgment from Redditors.
“You Really Overstepped”
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“Yes, spouses who contact in-laws behind their spouse's back are nearly always the AH,” one commenter asserted. “And in this case in particular. She cut him out of her life.”
“This wasn't unique information you had that he couldn't easily get himself. You really overstepped.”
“You Have No Respect For Her”
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“YTA- her reasons do not need to sit well with you,” stated one commenter. “They are her reasons, and I hope this causes so much trouble in your relationship. Because you have no respect for her”
Why Didn’t He Got His Own DNA Kit?
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Others pointed out in the comment section that the dad could have easily obtained his own DNA kit if he was genuinely eager to find family connections. They voted, “YTA, there's no way you're not.”
“He didn't deserve sh.t, if he cared so much, he could have purchased one himself.”
Lost Trust
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Some Redditors raised an additional point, arguing that the OP had broken the trust of his fiancée by "tracking down" the father's email information, which was probably done by digging through either an electronic device or an address book of hers.
“Lost trust from snooping through her things and contacting someone who neglected her,” they wrote.
“Beg For Forgiveness”
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“YTA for ignoring her wishes; going behind her back; and causing a lack of trust in your relationship,” commented one user. “You did everything wrong here.”
“You don't know her history with him - only what she chooses to share. It might have been a horrible childhood, and you brought it all back by contacting him without telling her. That is one of the biggest trust violations there is. You need to beg for forgiveness, but I'm doubting you'll get it.”
Inappropriate Announcements
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“YTA,” agreed another voter, sharing, “I'm Nigerian and when my dad died who was also a chief, my young in-law from my dad's wife announced it on Facebook. We were furious. It wasn't his call.”
“It's our choice to make the pronouncement. Your present action reminds me of my in-law. You should have sent her her dad's email address. That would have been the greatest gift you could have given her!”
What’s Next?
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“First it’s this, what’s next?” one user questioned. “He obviously doesn’t respect her feelings or opinions at all and can so easily be secretive and go behind this poor woman’s back.”
“I wonder how chaotic the wedding planning would be. If they were to have children or something how would that go? Would he just pass on her concerns and ideas and just go about doing everything on his own? He deserves to be on his own. OP, I hope your fiancé leaves your inconsiderate a.s.”
source https://www.womenio.com/46074/man-secretly-emails-his-fiancees-father-about-her-dna-results-as-her-reasons-for-not-wanting-to-share-the-information-didnt-sit-well-with-him
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