While parents can reasonably expect their adult children to take on the responsibility for their actions and navigate life's challenges. However, what happens when the child seems to have exhausted all possible options and finds themselves in need of their parents' assistance? This was the heart of the debate in a recent Reddit post, focusing on a mother who adamantly refused to allow her daughter to move back home.
Eldest Daughter's New Chapter
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The mother reveals in her post that she and her husband are parents to three children: a 25-year-old daughter, a 16-year-old son, and a 13-year-old youngest daughter.
Three years ago, the oldest child moved out and got her own apartment with her boyfriend after being together for four years.
Supportive Parents
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The parents fully supported her decision since she was mature enough and working full time. “So it wasn't like she ran off with some guy she just met,” the mother notes.
Rising Rent
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The challenge arose when they realized that the average rent in their area had more than doubled. Their landlord hiked the rent by 40% within a span of three months, making it unaffordable for them to continue staying there.
Limited Options
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Even before this, the couple wasn't exactly “swimming in cash.” They simply don't have enough saved up for the first, last, and security deposit, considering the current state of the market. Moreover, there aren't many options available within their price range.
Denied Support
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Despite their initial plan to stay with her boyfriend's parents for a short period while they sorted out their situation and saved money, they were met with disappointment as they weren’t allowed to join them.
Plan B
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After being denied permission to move in with her boyfriend's parents, the couple came up with an alternative plan: They decided that she would move back in with her parents, while he would move in with his own parents.
Their goal was to save up money during this arrangement and be able to move out within a maximum of six months.
“She's An Adult Now”
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Adding to the complications, the couple faced resistance from both her father and mother, who believed that the proposed living arrangement was not “appropriate.”
“She's an adult now, and she needs to learn to take care of herself, not relying on handouts from her parents,” shares the mom.
Rent vs Savings
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Even though the oldest daughter made a genuine offer to pay rent, her parents still insisted on a condition that she would only be allowed to pay rent if she agreed to pay the market average, along with her share of utilities.
Unfortunately for the couple, this condition would result in her being unable to save up as much as they had hoped.
Sharing Home with Six “Sketchy” People
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With her parents unwilling to accommodate their daughter, she has been left with no choice but to share a two-bedroom apartment with six other individuals, some of whom she finds "sketchy."
“It's Her Responsibility”
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While the mother empathizes with her daughter's situation, she still holds the belief that it’s her responsibility to take care of herself, no matter how hard her situation was. “I feel for her,” she claims, “but I still think it's her responsibility.”
She continues, “At this point, she doesn't call much anymore and I'm worried this may have impacted our relationship.”
To Allow or Not To Allow?
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Unsure whether she was unreasonable for not allowing her daughter to move back home just because she’s a 25-year-old adult, the mom turns to the Reddit community with the question:
“AITA for not letting our daughter move back home?”
“You're Being Unreasonable”
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“Seriously?” commented a “YTA” voter. “Your daughter is an adult, but she's still your daughter? She's not relying on handouts. She's offered to pay rent. You're really gonna charge her the market average to live at home? She even gave you a timeline.
“I think you're being unreasonable. You completely acknowledge that she was screwed over, but yet you're willing to let her struggle when you presumably have the space? There's wanting for her to learn to be an adult, and there's being unreasonable jerks.”
A Part Of Learning To Be An Adult?
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Another user speculated about the intention of the mother when she refused to let her daughter move back home, writing:
"I just think she needs to suffer in ways I never would have had to because when I was her age the world was a very different place. Also, she's living with six people, with two beds, and some of them seem dangerous but if she gets assaulted or r.ped, oh well! That's just part of learning to be an adult after all!”
“Worst Parent Ever”
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“YTA,” voted another Redditor. “She's sharing a 2 bed apartment with 6 strangers? How the hell does that work?”
“You think you're teaching her a life lesson. What you're actually doing is abandoning your child and exposing her to harm. Worst parent ever.”
“Good Luck On Damage Control”
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“You acknowledge that your daughter's landlord screwed her...then paint the blame on her for not being responsible enough...then ask if that makes you the a..hole,” wrote another individual.
“Market inflation is pushing us rapidly towards a recession. The landlord wanted more money to combat that. That screwed over your daughter...and she and her boyfriend found two doors waiting for them back home. Good luck on damage control. If she brings you any grandkids, you'll need it.”
“I Wouldn't Talk To You Anymore”
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“Your daughter seems to be a very responsible woman,” one user expressed. “Now she is desperate and trying very hard to find a solution to her problem. And until she can be on her own feet again she is asking you for help.
“You are a massive A. You are only asking if you are the A because you already think you are and you are searching for someone to back you up on your decision. If I were your daughter I probably wouldn't talk to you at all anymore.”
Lonely Road Ahead
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“If there is ever a day when my son can't come to me for some help, or I can't go to my parents for help... We aren't family anymore,” one person stated.
“It's really sounding like you are doing everything you can so that your own child doesn't succeed. It sounds like you need to sit down and take a long hard think on what you want out of life. The road you are treading is a lonely one.”
source https://www.womenio.com/45921/worst-parent-ever-mom-refuses-to-let-her-25-year-old-daughter-move-back-home-despite-an-apartment-home-with-six-sketchy-people
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